Monday, January 11, 2010
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Black Marriage Crisis: Part One The Assault on Black Love
How do we define ourselves? How do we define success? These are two essential questions that we must ask ourselves as Black people, especially when it comes to the realm of relationships and marriage. On December 22, 2009 my mother and I happened to watch ABC’s latest piece on Black male and female relationships and since that time this clip has been making the rounds on Facebook, Twitter and Youtube. The expose follows Nicole Marshond a beautiful sister from the state of Georgia who is the epitome of the modern day female professional. Ms. Marshond is a Prosecutor, drives a Mercedes Benz and even does some side work as an Atlanta Falcons cheerleader. Sadly at the time of this report, Ms. Marshond is unmarried with no foreseeable change in sight for herself or her circle of friends who are also featured in this broadcast. When Brother Cheo asked me to write a response to this story I jumped at the opportunity.
It should be no secret that there are more women (forget about race for a second) than men on the planet. Human genetics and social factors (like war) have made it so that women have a higher likelihood of being born and living longer, even across racial and ethnic lines. Most Black Americans are not under any illusion and realize that life, as a Black male in this country can be tough. Gangs, premature death and certainly prison are all social factors that Black men have to overcome if they live in inner city environments. Nobody can deny the grossly negative and devastating factors that face our people today but now I will attempt to flip the script and “change the game” on this conversation and hopefully if I am right maybe a few readers will fine Mr. Right.
This short news story has gained a lot of popularity recently because it cites a non-cited statistic stating that out of 100 Black men, 21% do not have a high school diploma, 17% do not have a job (never mind the fact that the nation as a whole is facing an economic recession and job loss at record rates) and that 8% of those between the ages of the 25 and 34 are incarcerated. That would leave only 54% of Black men eligible to be married. I will pause for a moment and note that not only was this statistics source not cited but that it also did not give any age ranges for any of the categories except for the one about incarceration.
There is an old saying that “figures don’t lie, but liars can figure” and that is what has been happening in our community when it comes to this issue. Oftentimes people cite statistics that are incomplete or misleading. Filmmaker Janks Morton’s work “What Black Men Think” documents how oftentimes age is not factored into many of the statistics that are shown with regards to Blacks and that it must be in order to understand the truth of the condition of the Black community. 21% of Black men don’t have a diploma, in which age brackets? On this the ABC news story is silent.
There is a propaganda campaign that exists to tear Black men and Black women away from one another and is manifested in much of the media that is being produced in modern America. I cannot however deny the fact that there are many wonderful women in America today who have trouble finding that special someone and even more who never get to walk down the isle. Even my own mother didn’t get married until she was well into her forties, to a man more than ten years younger than herself I might add. My father married my stepmother in 2002, the same year as my mothers wedding and despite my parents having children together this was both of their first time getting married. Why do so many sisters have difficulty getting married? ABC brought in Steve Harvey, author of the popular Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man who actually brought up an interesting point about the requirements Black women have of potential mates. Mr. Harvey says: “If you are a corporate executive, does he have to be a corporate executive? If you make $150,000 a year, does he have to make the $150,000 a year or above?” I believe it is these stringent requirements that have lowered Black women’s prospects.
There is nothing wrong with having standards but in having a conversation with my own girlfriend Kristie George she had some choice words for her fellow Black women. “The problem is that a lot of other black women do not want to be women but define themselves as career women. I make more money than James does but I still cook for him and support James in what he does, not because I am old school but because I understand that a relationship needs more than just money in order to exist. Many of us need to stop allowing ourselves to be defined by our job titles and sometimes we need to just be people.” To Be Continued…
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